For use: Friday, July 28, 2000 and thereafter

mfinley: "S.O.S.: Save Our Spam!"

by Michael Finley

Copyright (c) 2000 by Michael Finley

Do you love spam? Then clip and mail this letter to your representative in Congress.

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August 1, 2000

Dear Congress Person:

I, a voter and taxpayer, am writing to urge you to preserve our precious liberties by voting NO on HR#3113, "The Unsolicited Electronic Mail Act of 1999."

This legislation promises to "weed out fraudulent spam" and "eliminate the burden of deleting unwanted email."

But whom, I say whom, are we kidding? Isn't this just another case of government gumming up free enterprise, which works awfully well if you leave it the hell alone, with so-called "consumer rights?" "Babies' bottles," is more like it.

As you may or may not know, our founding fathers took a dim view of efforts by the state to stanch the free flow of information. Yet here we see a bald-faced conspiracy of fuzzy thinkers trying to strip away our God-guaranteed freedom to engage other citizens in cyberspace in dialog, and show them how to make big money online, or peddle last year's Internet IPOs, which are this year's penny stocks.

Oh sure, they cunningly pass the bill off as "anti-spam" legislation, assuming people are too dumb to see the attack on their freedoms. For if "spam" is no longer protected speech, why should we give special status to political dissent or the right to assemble? Ever think of it that way? Huh?

To you, dear sir or madam, I say that spam is not our enemy. Our enemy is tyranny, under whatever mask it shows itself.

Spam is, in fact, our friend. Named for a nutritious treat that kept our boys strong in the trenches, spam is, after all, simply a way to greet the whole world with the click of a button and say, "Hey there, stranger"?

And then we're not really strangers, are we?

Spam acquaints us with fascinating products and services offered online. It allows us to deal with people we might otherwise never meet, operating outside the 7-mile limit. It is like the town crier of old, shouting out to whoever is within hearing distance about opportunities to operate pyramid selling schemes and meet nice girls by the carload. Is that so wrong?

Congressman, I appeal to you in the spirits of patriots Patrick Henry and James Otis, who if they were here today I don’t doubt for a second would passionately proclaim, "I know not what course others may take, but as for me, regardless of whether I provide a correct return address or not, give me spam or give me death."

Or words to that effect.

Sincerely,

[your name goes here]

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Clip and send to your representive in Congress. Better yet, bulk-mail it to every congressman twice -- and be sure of being heard!