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Future
Shoes "New
Medical Conditions"
You may want to peruse this list and see which ones you may be susceptible to: § Adipose Tirior ... augmentation of gluteus maximus brought about by uninterrupted weeks of sitting at console. See also Henderson's Polyps. § Auctioneers Craniopathy ... throbbing pain in parietal lobes occasioned by receipt of monthly eBay statement. § Computer Abuse ... listed in previous editions as a victimless affliction, condition has been upgraded in this edition to include such symptoms as axe-head embedded in monitor and bullet holes in CPU. § Cybernova Nervosa ... systemic breakdown of central nervous system provoked by a shrill grinding sound coming from a fixed disk: symptoms include high anxiety, slowed heartbeat, coldness in extremities, empty sensation at pit of stomach. § Erasable Vowel Syndrome ... psychotic insistence by user that labels on most-used keys are wearing off. § Foot in Mouth Disease ... you call software technical support and start reaming out the company for a bad installation, and are then disappointed to be treated with courtesy and patience. § Kawasaki's Tremor ... spasmodic thrashing of upper body upon realizing that a journalist has written a 3000-word article about PCs and not mentioned Apple. § Linux Fever ... febrile state in which the user experiences delusions of regicide. § Microsoft ... symptomatic of Penile Erectile Dysfunction (PED). § Obsessive Compulsive Communications Disorder (OCCD) ... the belief that unless you keep checking your mail, sometimes many times in order, certain catastrophe will befall. § Smoking Firewall ... emotional letdown following penetration by virus. § Troll's Disorder ... psychological syndrome characterized by the belief that you are invisible and can commit any act with impunity; most often experienced by newcomers frequenting USENET chat rooms. § Ventana Nebulosa ... optical condition experienced chiefly by users with allergies who forget to wipe their monitors. Choose
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The
Physicians Desk Reference Family Guide Encyclopedia of Medical Care
